Ninety Five Percent of my friends are members of the first wives club. I have been thinking about it alot lately, and here is why. One of my friends from Fort Bragg knows that her husband is having an affair, and chooses to ignore it and act as if nothing is wrong. He has an impending deployment, and she is leaving ahead of him and moving her kids to his native Panama for the year. She is obviously NOT a member of the First Wives Club.
Those of us that are card carrying members would never put up with that shit. I really think going through a divorce puts everything in perspective. It helps you realize that you can make it without a man, and it helps you know your self worth. (Hopefully) So that you don't have to go through that heartache ever again. Kids or not, is it really worth staying in a shell of a marriage for the kids? Is that what you want them to think a healthy relationship looks like? It's selfish.
As a First Wife you know what you expect in a mate, what is acceptable and what is unforgivable. I feel bad for these once married women, and a little jealous. They will never know the heartache of a First Wife, but they are also missing out on the freedom you get after a divorce to find out who you are. If you were married before you were 25, you weren't old enough and experienced enough to make an educated decision on the right mate.
I guess her letting the Mister fuck around on her bothers me most because she doesn't have the balls to do something about it. Maybe I think it makes her weak. Maybe I wish when I was a first wife I had toughed it out. But mostly I am damn proud of myself for being strong enough to leave.
I read an article the other day from livescience.com about forgiving your spouse and how it isn't always the best thing to do. The article is at http://www.livescience.com/culture/forgiveness-bad-for-relationships-110107.html.
ReplyDeleteIt basically says that if you forgive them too early or too easily that they are more likely to keep treating you badly.
I didn't need to see the research to come to that conclusion! Hahahaha. You and I both know that people learn how to treat you by how you treat yourself and what you are willing to put up with.
It sounds like your friend is in a really terrible situation. She will be doing much better once she realizes that until she respects herself no one else is going to.
I know girl...she even said it wouldn't have hurt so bad if he had bought it. Seriously. Wow. I don't get women these days boo. Have a little self respect.
ReplyDeleteIf he would have come clean and admitted it was a huge mistake and made a serious effort to correct the situation, it would be a whole other story.
By her ignoring the situation when he knows she knows, she just gave him permission to do whatever he wants. It's so frustrating!